Was or Is?

Blank white Hearts on Snow Background. Small Depth of Field. Blue tintedI sit here thinking of Mari today. Time is moving one step at a time closer to the six year mark for Mari being gone.

Can you believe it’s been six years already? I think back on all the times I wrote about time after she passed, especially that first year or so. The fact is that time continued its ever present trek forward no matter how much we’d rather have had it go backward for either more time with our little girl or for us to somehow change the outcome. Yet, we all know that’s not possible and time has brought us to where we are today.

I’ve met a new friend today through my Christian fiction writers group called ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers). She left me a comment on my author website (http://kristenatunstall.com) introducing herself to me while also sharing how she too has lost a child and she felt compelled, just as I have been, to write about the journey she’s been through.

As I sat writing her an email, I was telling her about Mari’s birthday. But here’s the question: Do I say Mari’s birthday WAS December 29 or do I say Mari’s birthday IS December 29? I mean, no matter what, Mari was born on December 29. No matter what she would have turned a new age each year on that date. She would be fourteen right now if she were still alive. So do I say was or is when it comes to talking about her birthday? I honestly don’t know. I went with is this time.


  1. This is the way I view it, Kristena. Mari’s name has not changed so you say, my daughter is Mari. Not was. Her birth date hasn’t changed either. December 29th will always be the day she was born. I use “is” all the time. My Daniel is still Daniel and is still very much alive in Heaven. Hugs to you!

  2. Cindy Drushal says:

    I have to agree with Alice. When I talk about my sister I say Christina’s birthday is January 9th. She will always be my big sister. Just like your Mari will always be your baby girl! Never doubt yourself either way. Both adjutives fit in different ways!

  3. I am so sorry for your loss. Some say time heals these wounds, but they must not have lost a child. And even for family members we are with here and now, the farther away they travel from us and the longer they are gone, we feel their absence more not less.

    But that is also why your question is such an excellent one. It is really about truth. In one sense both ways of saying “was December 29 or is December 29″ are correct depending on WHERE we are looking.

    God reminds us we should not be looking to the here or only to what was done here. We are called to see the fullness of truth and love — eternal life.

    Not surprisingly, it is from his everlasting love that we receive his everlasting, comforting peace. His truth is only about what IS, that’s where to look, exactly as you did.

    • Wow, John, thank you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t reply before now. I haven’t been on my computer very much in the last couple of month. However, when I receive comments like yours and Cindy’s they put a smile on my face. To take the time you did to write your comments means a lot. I appreciate it more than any words could say.

Please leave a comment to let me know what you think. I read and respond to all comments given. Thank you.

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