Mommy's Angel In Heaven » Holidays – Christmas

Jackie Evancho

Mommy's Angel In Heaven — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 15:40:55 +0000

I sit here at home recovering for a simple surgery for the last couple of weeks. I am sitting here playing my favorite game on Facebook and I have the TV on in the background. I finished watching this Christmas movie and they announced The Martha Stewart Show was coming on. Of course I have no interest in her show. However, they were saying this 10 year old prodigy was going to be on her show that was found in the show America’s Got Talent. I had never heard of her before but she is known for her unbelievable soprano voice. Her name is Jackie Evancho. So I was intrigued and wanted to hear this voice.

Well she started to sing and I was amazed. Her voice is truly unbelievable and yet it was coming out of this little 10 year old body. Then I got to thinking how Mari would be the exact same age as this little girl. Mari would be about her size. She has the same color hair and eyes as Mari. Ultimately it just made me miss her all the more. Especially at this time of year.

Mari’s birthday is coming up on December 29^th. She would have turned 11. It is hard to believe that she is not here to experience her birthday. I miss her so much. I sit here and watch different commercials. I see thing that Mari would have loved to play with and I guarantee I probably would have gotten it for her. I have cried once already over a stupid commercial. It just makes me miss her all the more.

Now that we are in the season of Christmas we will be bombard more and more with these types of things. I wish somehow we could just skip over it all and just go right to January. It would just be easier.

Back from Hawaii

Mommy's Angel In Heaven — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 04:07:00 +0000

I sit here on our flight from Hawaii back to Chicago. It amazes me how quickly this past week and a half went by. We had Christmas in Hawaii. For the first time in my life I was not excited about the holiday so many people always love and cherish. For me, it is just a reminder of what I am missing and how much I miss her. I sit here on our flight just trying not to cry. The pain is so deep and still so fresh. I know it has been over 5 months yet it still feels like yesterday that we lost her.

I know there are people out there right now that Keith and I know that are thinking we should be over it by now; that we need to go back to being our old selves. There is even one person who never met our daughter, was not here when she got sick or died and actually told one of us to go off to Hawaii, to relax, have a good time, but when we get back that the one of us needs to be the person he/she has heard so much about. What this person fails to realize is the day our daughter died, we died right along with her. The Keith and Kristena from before no longer exist. They left with our beloved Mariana. A new and very different Keith and Kristena have emerged. It is a Keith and Kristena that have an incredibly hard time with understanding how we have now been given the life we now have.

We both have a hard time concentrating on even the simple everyday things that alone those that are incredibly important to us. I want everyone to understand that the Keith and Kristena from before no longer exist and to never expect them to come back. Don’t ever ask those two people to come back because they won’t. However, get to know the new us. We are different but we both are just as special as before, just different. The new us is a little sadder, a little wiser, and a little bit more realistic with what life hands us. To know us is to love us, and to love us is to accept us just the way we are.

Thank you to everyone for your understanding.

On our way to Hawaii

Mommy's Angel In Heaven — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 16:32:00 +0000

I sit on our flight to Hawaii and think about our beloved baby girl Mari who left us in July to go to heaven before her time. I know some people will say that it must have been her time because she is gone. In my heart, and my soul, and my mind it was not yet her time. Her time would have been after daddy and mommy were gone and not a day before.

Daddy and I are going to Hawaii today because of a dear, loving uncle of mine who gave to us hotel accommodations for a one bedroom condo for 11 days and 10 nights. He called us up about a month after she was gone and told me that he and my aunt had these accommodations and they would like to give us them. They both felt it would be good for us to get away together since we lost our only child. We thank them from the bottom of our hearts for what they have done for us.

It’s hard to probably imagine but we were not really looking forward to going once it was all said and done (yes, we know, HAWAII, they must be crazy!!) but in our minds it almost felt like such a high price to pay to be able to go. We would not be going if Mari was still here. I can’t imagine that we would have taken a family vacation with Mari entoe to Hawaii. It just would have been too hard. With her autism as severe as she had it made things incredibly difficult to almost next to impossible.

I asked Keith (my husband) why we never once took an actual family vacation together with the 3 of us while she was alive (and I think almost any can relate that visiting family does not count as a vacation, it is a visitation). The only other vacation that I have ever been on personally I found out I was pregnant with Mari two days before Keith and I, and his sister Amy left for Florida. He said that it just would have been too difficult. Visiting with family was hard; now let’s add an amusement park or something like that, yeah, just too hard. I really wish we had anyway though.

Keith and I are finally looking forward to getting away. There will be no family. There will be no friends. There are no work distractions. There are no school distractions. Just Keith and I together for 11 days and 10 nights. I think it will be perfect for us. We will be in Hawaii on Christmas and we will be coming back from Hawaii on December 29, which so happens would have been Mari’s 9th birthday.

On her birthday I came up with a neat idea. Since there obviously will not be a birthday party, I wanted to still come up with something to do on her birthday to remember her life by. I came up with the idea to have a “Celebration of Her Life” party instead. Obviously, no presents will be brought by the guests but we are going to make a trip out to her grave. Then we will come back to our house and we are still going to have cake and ice cream. We will have a time where everyone will recount a memory they have of Mari to share with everyone else. And then I will have a special surprise for everyone (can’t say now because it would ruin it for those that read my site and are coming). My hope and my dream is this will create a memory for people and to help everyone realize that it is still ok to talk about our beloved Mari.

An update to the special surprise. What I found were the special photo charm bracelets. I printed off several pictures of Mari that fit into these bracelets. I tried to find pictures of Mari with each person I was giving them too to make it personalized from them. There were 12 pictures, 6 charms, 1 picture on each side of the charm. Then there were several other charms I included as well. They were a big hit at her party.