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First let me start off by saying long time no talk. I am sorry I have been gone for a while. A lot has happened in my life since the last time I posted anything on Mari’s website. I look back at the date of June 23 and it seems like a lifetime ago. On July 15 Keith and I headed to Chicago to be with Mari (so to speak) on her 3 year mark of being gone. July 16 was officially 3 years and we spent some time at her grave. It is hard to believe that . . . → Click Here To Read More: Changes in life…
Today is Keith’s 40th birthday. He starts a new generation today. The last generation has had some of the biggest bumps and bruises he’s had in his life. Those bumps and bruises have slowly been healing but they will never go away. We both continue to live our lives on a path neither one could have expected or wanted yet here we both are anyway. I like to tell people, “It is what it is.” What I mean by this is can I do anything about the path that has been laid before me? No I can’t. However, . . . → Click Here To Read More: Keith’s 40th
I want to share a passage of the Bible that was recently shown to me: 2 Samuel 12:15-23 15 After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth[a] on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them. 18 On the seventh day the . . . → Click Here To Read More: Seeing Mari again  Leave a comment  My Writing - In Response, My Writing - Reflection  angel, child, child loss, children, comforting, Dad, daughter, exciting, freeing, grateful, growth, happiness, healing, heartwarming, incredible, innocence, interesting, joy, life, love, memories, missing her, mom, parenting, peace, precious, thinking, unbelievable
Recently things have been good. I have not been overly sad. I mean, I miss Mari but I am doing good. I sit here in church again. I am glad we have started going to church on a regular basis. It is important for the two of us and our marriage. My hope is it only makes us stronger and helps us to get through the loss of Mari. I know through God anything can happen. I know some people might say, “How could you believe in a God who would do this?” My response is God knows . . . → Click Here To Read More: Writing through tragedy
January 2 I sit here in church service. Right away they start by singing. The tears start to well up and I have to leave. I still have a hard time just being able to sing in church. It is so hard for me. Somehow it just makes me miss Mari all the more. She would always love the singing portion of church service. She would sing in her own special way. She would sometimes flap her arms in excitement. She truly loved the singing. I think I just truly miss that with her not here now. Maybe . . . → Click Here To Read More: Singing… Leave a comment My Writing - In The Moment, My Writing - Reflection angel, child, child loss, children, Dad, daughter, death, dedication, disbelief, entertaining, exciting, fun, grateful, grief, growth, happiness, healing, heartbroken, heartwarming, incredible, innocence, joy, life, loss, love, memories, missing her, mom, pain, peace, precious, regret, sadness, thinking
December 14, 2010 Love. Love has its own special magic. When all else fails, you still have love. There are some people who have not been lucky enough to truly experience the love you receive from your life partner. I feel like I am one of the lucky ones. I met Keith when I was only 19 years old. Our first impression of one another was, let’s just say, not that great. So it wasn’t love at first sight. Personally, I have never experienced that but sometimes you just don’t need to. The second time we met started . . . → Click Here To Read More: The magic of love
December 7, 2010 Can you imagine loving to play a game so much that you allow yourself to stay up later than you should because you have to go to work the next day. Well, Keith and I both love playing the same game and we stay up way too late. Last night was another one of those nights. We finally got to bed about 11:30pm. Then we sat talking for a few minutes. I think we both finally headed off to never-never land around midnight. This morning when I woke up I was more tired than I . . . → Click Here To Read More: Playing Games
Steven Curtis Chapman has a song that talks about “Out of these ashes beauty will rise.” The ashes represent the tragedy his family endured the day their daughter Maria died. The “beauty [that] will rise” is representative of God’s grace and love that even though something as terrible as losing a child, God is still there through it all. He is seeing you through. I can say I do love this song and the hope it brings. However, my life doesn’t seem to have found the Beauty of it all. I still have yet to feel this hope. . . . → Click Here To Read More: “Out of these ashes beauty will rise”
(It looks like this was written around end of October) I have been working at Walmart now for the past 2 months. When asked, “Is it what you expected?” I’m not sure if I know what to expect exactly. I mean, I know I would be on my feet the majority of the time (I mean it is Walmart after all). But as for what I expected, I really did not have a lot of expectations. I know that starting off on the graveyard shift would be a drastic change since I have never worked that shift before. . . . → Click Here To Read More: Work at Walmart
You might be asking, “But why does July suck?” I mean, after all, July has so many good things about it right? Like the 4th of July and celebrating our nation’s birthday. The fireworks you can either do together with family, friends and acquaintances or to go see one of those big fireworks shows that the cities or military installations put on for us. It’s summertime. It’s warm. People are going on vacations. Everyone seems to be having fun (or at least trying to ;;) ). There are places to go and people to see. And . . . → Click Here To Read More: July Sucks! 3 comments Holidays - 4th of July, My Writing - In The Moment, My Writing - Reflection alone, bereavement, cemetery, child, child loss, children, comment, crying, Dad, daughter, death, disbelief, family, friends, frustration, funeral, grief, growth, healing, heartbroken, home/house, hopeless, hospital, hurt, husband, imagine, incredible, interesting, life, loneliness, loss, loss of a child, loss of child, lost a child, love, memories, missing her, mom, only child, pain, parenting, parents, parents who have lost a child, sadness, tears, thinking, unbelievable, wife
It’s always interesting to meet someone new. You don’t know what type of person s/he is. You don’t know what to expect from him/her. You don’t know how s/he will react to different situations. In a way, getting to know this new person is like solving a mystery. Will you like this person? Do you have the same ideals? Do you have the same beliefs? And the list just goes on and on. Ultimately, curiosity kills the cat and we must find out more about this person. Do you want to get to know this person more? Do . . . → Click Here To Read More: Meeting Someone New
As most of you know, and those of you who are new and don’t, I have moving my website to a new server and creating a new site for better utilization and personalization. In doing this, I have been going through each and every post I have ever posted and reorganizing everything. I am better organizing categories to help people find a post they might be interested in. I have now included tags for every post. So far I am to the end of the year 2008. I still have all of 2009 and what has been written . . . → Click Here To Read More: How quickly time flies before we realize…
I am sure you all can imagine that Mari is never really far from my mind. Today is no different. Most of you know by now that I have started working out again. I set my alarm for 5am this morning (yeah, that is the correct time) so I could be to the gym by 6:30am for my very first personal training session. My personal trainer is Jennifer. Man she kicked my booty this morning. So much so that she cut our session 7 minutes early as my body was completely worn out (man am I out of . . . → Click Here To Read More: It Happens At the Strangest Time
I sit here in church today just hoping I will make it through. I found Mari’s crayons she used to color with in my Bible bag this morning. The bag was on the very top shelf of our bedroom closet. Just imagine, it was as if there were dust atop the bag as it had been up on that shelf since we moved into our home in September. I went through the bag just to make sure of what was in there. There they sat; her crayons. When we used to go to church with . . . → Click Here To Read More: Mari’s Crayons Leave a comment My Writing - In The Moment, My Writing - Reflection angel, child, child loss, children, Dad, daughter, death, dedication, drawings, entertaining, exciting, fun, grateful, happiness, heartwarming, home/house, incredible, innocence, interesting, joy, love, memories, missing her, mom, parenting, peace, precious, sadness, thinking
Today is a day of wonder and confusion. Earlier this week Keith and I had another tragedy happen in our lives. If you have been on Facebook, and you are one of my “friends” on there, then you know what has happened. The tragedies started 8 months ago and ended on Mari’s 8 month mark of being gone (February 16). In the past 8 months, we have lost Mari, we found out a little over a month ago that Keith’s dad has prostate cancer and then at the end of last month that it is . . . → Click Here To Read More: Wonder and Confusion For What Life Brings Us |
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