A tribute from a very special teacher

Mommy's Angel In Heaven — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 20:28:01 +0000

This tribute was written by a very special teacher. She was not Mari’s first teacher but she was the first teacher to truly help my daughter like no other teacher had. Her name is Julie Ahlbach. Before Mari came to her classroom I don’t believe she had a lot of experience with children who had autism, let alone as severe as my daughter’s was. I was always the advocate for Mari and I fought to get my daughter into an all day program before most children were aloud to. Mari’s teacher before Julie told me one time that she really did not know how to teach her. I appreciated her honesty but that also concerned me because this told me Mari was not in the right environment to get the appropriate education she needed or deserved. We ended up having a meeting with the special education director, the current classroom staff that was teaching her and a new set of people from a classroom she could possibly go to. The current program she was in did not have all day for the Early Childhood department. So they were thinking about putting her in the Multi-handicapped program the district had. She would have ended up going into this classroom for Kindergarten anyway but the Special Ed director thought we could give it a try now. This program was a very special program and she would remain in this program until we moved this past December [2007] (we actually moved on Mari’s 8th and final birthday). The teacher of the program was Julie Ahlbach. Mari was allowed to attend all day everyday she was in this program. Julie implemented things into her program that I introduced her to. Julie is and will continue to be a wonderful teacher that I believe truly helps all of her students no matter how disabled they are.

Because Mari had been such a vibrant part of this school for 3 years they did a memorial/tree planting service in her honor. This is what her teacher wrote. The love she has for all of her children is special. I want to share this with all of you since most of you either could not or were not able to be at the memorial. I hope it touches your heart like it has mine.

This summer one of my assistants asked how the children were chosen for my program. I am looked her straight in the eye and told her we got the cutest and most special of the children in the district. And Mari fit both of those criteria. She was very cute and very special. I remember the day Andrea Weinger, one of my assistants, went to observe Mari in the Early Childhood Program shortly before she was to come to our program. Andrea came back to school and said Mari was really, really cute and really, really, really busy!

We knew we needed the perfect assistant for Mari, so we enlisted our friend Laverna Grady to help us. Back then it took Laverna’s two hands and my two hands to watch Mari’s two hands! We had a functional program and worked with Mari on making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for her lunch. If Laverna and I were not fast enough that peanut butter and jelly sandwich would find a way to get Mari’s face awfully messy. But, three years later, the same little girl who used to smear peanut butter on her face, could eat her peanut butter and jelly sandwich that Mom or Dad cut into fourths very appropriately. We were so proud of her!

She learned to read. She could write her numbers and letters and loved counting the touchpoints on the numbers. She loved our songs and poems and knew our routine quite well. I would often say if I was absent that Mari could run the class.

Mari loved music and responded so well. We had a little away song that we would sing to get her to put away whatever it was she needed to put away. We used it during transitions, at the store when she was playing with the giant Dora doll and it was time to go, when it was time to leave the playground, or simply clean up her pencil box. It worked like a charm whenever we needed her to be done with something.

Yes, we could modify her behavior, but, she could modify ours too. She would look at us with those sparkly blue eyes and utter those three powerful words, “Let’s go potty!” She knew she could get out doing any activity she did not want to do with that phrase. Don’t get me wrong – sometimes she did need to go potty. But, sometimes she simply needed a break from table work. We would take her to the bathroom and she would sing, and count, and recite our poems. We loved hearing her talk – even when we knew she had conned us.

Mari loved her Dora fruit snacks. Sometimes she wanted them so badly that she could say fruit snacks in one syllable. We used to buy extra fruit snacks on our Wal-Mart trips so we would never run out.

She enjoyed our community trips, especially swimming. She loved swimming so much and could not understand if some of the children were not happy in the water. The chilly water at the YMCA did not seem to bother her at all.

Mari thrived with routine and structure. Most of the time we could provide that in the classroom, but we could not control the bus. If her bus was not out on time it was hard for her. When the bus was late, Frankie, the last assistant she had before she moved, would sit with her outside and sing, “Where, oh where is Mari’s yellow bus?”

When I told my family that Mari had pass away, my eleven year old son Austin said, “Now Austin Lee has a friend to play with in Heaven.” Austin Lee was another of our very cute and very special students. He passed away on Mother’s Day [May 11, 2008]. Austin had significant physical limitations. His shoes always stayed too clean because he could not run around and get them muddy. We like to think of Autism jumping in puddles in Heaven and getting his shoes dirty. And anyone who knows Mari knows that she was Queen of the Puddles. That girl could find and jump in a puddle before her assistant had a clue she was gone. I am sure Austin and Mari are having a great time getting their shoes dirty in those puddles. And Austin was not able to eat by mouth so we like to think of him as being able to eat whatever he wants in Heaven. My guess is that Mari has introduced him to the Dora fruit snacks!!

I have pictures of both of these children on a bookcase in our classroom. I see their beautiful faces as I teach. I pray they are now watching over me as I watched over them. They both will remain in our hearts forever!

My Thoughts

CleverGirl — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 04:05:39 +0000

Recently I was approached and asked if I would like to put my feelings and thoughts about Mari into words here on this blog.

I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. Mari’s mother and i met over 2 yrs ago and created an instant bond because my son Brian (who is 9 now) has autism also.

So as our friendship grew we would rely on each other for support by comparing our experiences no matter what time of day or night regardless of the different time zones. You see I live here in Buffalo, NY.

July 3 started out like any other summer day. My youngest son Nicky and I went outside to play and swim, Brian was in summer school and my husband was at work. Later in the day, my husband Brian came out of the house and said that I had a phone call. I was in the pool with the kids and i told him to tell the caller that I would call them back later. Now as we all know life sometimes can get pretty hectic and ours did here and I forgot to return the phone call. Little did I know that it was as serious as it was , had I realized that it was a seriuos situation I would have returned the phone call right away – I thought Mari’s mom was just calling to chat.

Two days went by and Mari’s mom called again and this time i picked up the phone. I was then told that Mari was in the hospital because she had gotten sick at school 2 days before and the doctors were trying to figure out what was wrong with her and what treatment would be most effective.
I told Mari’s mom to keep me posted and call anytime she needed to talk. We were kept in the loop as promised and there was even one day where I was making dinner and I got a call from Illinois and the out of breath running voice on the other end said that Mari was now experiencing seizures. WHAT !! OMG I thought … what and why is this happening…. she is only 8yrs old. I immediately called my husband and told him of this change… you know even though our families have never met we talked so often that it is like we were truly blood relatives. As the days moved on I would call the hospital in the morning to gat an update and also would read the Care Pages that had been created on Mari’s behalf. Everyday we would continue to pray for Mari’s speedy recovery but each day brought a new obsticle to overcome.

And then on an average summer day I got a call once again from the hospital. The family spokesperson told me that the family had decided to take Mari off life support later that evening and that it was only a matter of time before the worst happened. We as you can imagine I was standing there after hanging up the phone feeling deflated, I felt as though I was hit by a truck. I immediately hugged Brian and Nicky like I never had before. I did not know what was real anymore and no energy to do anything.

My husband and I went through the motions the rest of the night for the sake of the kids, but jumped every time the phone rang. Then about 11pm EST the call that we had dreaded all night came. Mari’s aunt called to say that she had passed about 1/2 hr ago.

We again just sat on the couch together in disbelief, sorrow and an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. This is NOT how life is supposed to be.
Mari, thank you – thank you for enriching my life and teaching me NOT to take anything no matter how small for granted. To take delight in the small accomplishments that the boys make.

I LOVE YOU and will never forget you. Watch over your Mommy and Daddy little angel they need you now.

Love,
Your second family in Buffalo

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A tribute from a very special teacher

My Thoughts